I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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