sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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