you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
