dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
