I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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