every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She bit a glass in half.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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