you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
