fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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