And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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