After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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