Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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