So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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