I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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