the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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