Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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