Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
