We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
