Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
