I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
