Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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