and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
