hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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