I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
