who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
