3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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