Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
