the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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