oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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