she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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