I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
