Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
