Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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