I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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