I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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