Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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