Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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