I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
