Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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