Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
