I can't breathe out the right side of my face
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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