I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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