; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
