like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
