I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
