oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
