you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize