I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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