Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
