dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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