I wish they made helmets for livers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
