need another drink. this is the easiest way
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
