i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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