Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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