Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
