I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think my fart just growled at me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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