So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize