Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
