I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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