Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
