So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
