I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i out mim tonsoeep
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