I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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