I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
