Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
