I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
