At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
