I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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