so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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